Dealing with Hurtful Words from Your Spouse: How to Stay Calm

How to Remain Calm When Your Spouse Says Hurtful Things

Hey there, dealing with a spouse who says hurtful things can be incredibly challenging. It’s easy to become defensive, angry, or sad when the person you love says something hurtful. However, reacting impulsively can often make the situation worse. So how can you remain calm when your spouse says hurtful things? In this article, we’ll explore some practical tips to help you keep your cool and handle the situation with grace.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that hurtful words often stem from hurt feelings. Your spouse might be going through a tough time and taking it out on you unconsciously. Or they might feel frustrated or angry about something that has nothing to do with you. Try not to take their words personally and remember that it’s not your fault.

Secondly, take a deep breath and try to remain calm. It can be tempting to lash out in anger or frustration, but this will only escalate the situation. Instead, take a moment to pause and collect your thoughts. If you need to, you can even excuse yourself from the conversation for a few minutes to calm down.

Thirdly, try to communicate your feelings without blaming or attacking your spouse. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying “you’re always so mean to me,” try saying “I feel hurt when you say things like that.” This can help your spouse understand the impact of their words without feeling attacked.

Finally, seek outside support if needed. Dealing with hurtful words from a loved one can be incredibly painful and emotionally draining. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or trusted friend or family member for support. Sometimes, having an outside perspective can help you gain clarity and perspective on the situation.

Overall, remaining calm when your spouse says hurtful things requires patience, empathy, and self-control. By taking a deep breath, recognizing the root cause of their words, communicating calmly, and seeking support if needed, you can navigate this difficult situation with grace and compassion.

Breathe and Count to Ten

What is it?

“Breathe and count to ten” is a simple technique that can help you calm down and manage your emotions in a stressful situation. It involves taking deep breaths and counting slowly to ten before reacting or responding to a stressful situation.

How does it work?

When we’re stressed, our bodies release adrenaline and cortisol, which trigger the “fight or flight” response. By taking deep breaths and counting slowly to ten, we can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us relax and feel calmer. This can help us think more clearly and respond more effectively to a stressful situation.

When can it be used?

This technique can be used in any situation that causes stress or strong emotions, such as an argument with a friend or family member, a difficult conversation with a boss or coworker, or a high-pressure deadline at work or school. It can also be helpful in managing anxiety or panic attacks.

How to do it?

Read more:

1. Take a deep breath in through your nose, filling your lungs with air.

2. Hold the breath for a moment.

3. Slowly exhale through your mouth, letting out all the air.

4. Count slowly to ten in your head, focusing on your breath as you do so.

5. Repeat these steps as many times as necessary until you feel calmer and more in control.

“Breathe and count to ten” is a simple yet effective technique for managing stress and strong emotions. By taking deep breaths and counting slowly to ten, we can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us relax and feel calmer. This technique can be used in a variety of situations and can help us think more clearly and respond more effectively to stress. So the next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, remember to take a deep breath and count to ten.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

What Does It Mean?

When we say “focus on the bigger picture”, what we mean is that we should not get overly bogged down by the details of a situation. Instead, we should try to look at the larger context and consider the broader implications of our actions. This can help us make more informed decisions and avoid getting caught up in minor issues that may not matter in the long run.

Why Is It Important?

Focusing on the bigger picture is important because it allows us to see things in a more holistic way. When we focus too much on the details, it can be easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and miss out on important opportunities or potential risks. By taking a step back and looking at the larger context, we can gain a better understanding of the situation and make more informed decisions.

How Can You Do It?

To focus on the bigger picture, it can be helpful to take a step back and consider the broader implications of a situation. Ask yourself questions like, “What are the long-term consequences of this decision?” or “How does this fit into my overall goals and priorities?” By taking a more strategic approach, you can avoid getting bogged down by minor issues and focus on what really matters.


In today’s fast-paced world, it can be tempting to focus on the details and get lost in the weeds. However, by taking a step back and focusing on the bigger picture, we can make more informed decisions and achieve our goals more effectively. So the next time you find yourself getting bogged down by minor details, take a deep breath and remember to focus on the bigger picture.

Don’t Take It Personally

What does it mean?

“Don’t take it personally” is a phrase used to encourage someone not to be offended by something that has been said or done. It means that the action or words were not directed towards the person in a negative way, but rather it was a reflection of the other person’s own issues or problems.

Why is it important?

It is important to remember not to take things personally because it can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. When we take things personally, we tend to overanalyze and ruminate on the situation, which can negatively impact our mental health. It is also important to understand that everyone has their own problems and issues, and sometimes their actions or words may not have anything to do with us.

How to not take things personally?

The first step to not taking things personally is to recognize when you are doing it. Try to separate yourself from the situation and take a step back. Ask yourself if the action or words were directed towards you specifically, or if it was a reflection of the other person’s own issues. It is also helpful to communicate with the person and clarify their intention. Lastly, practicing self-care and focusing on positive affirmations can help boost self-esteem and reduce the likelihood of taking things personally.

Remember, not taking things personally is a skill that takes practice and patience. But with time, it can lead to a healthier and happier mindset.

Practice Active Listening

Hey there! Do you often find yourself getting distracted when someone is talking to you? Do you end up missing out on important details of a conversation? If yes, then you need to start practicing active listening. Active listening is an important skill that can help you in your personal and professional life. It involves giving your full attention to the person who is speaking and processing the information you receive.

What is Active Listening?

Active listening is a communication skill that requires you to focus on the speaker and understand the message being conveyed. It involves paying attention to the nonverbal cues, such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, as well as the words being spoken. Active listening requires you to be present in the moment and not let your mind wander. It also involves asking questions and clarifying any doubts you may have to ensure that you fully understand the message.

Why is Active Listening Important?

Active listening is important as it helps in building strong and meaningful relationships. When you actively listen to someone, it shows that you respect and value their thoughts and opinions. It also helps in minimizing misunderstandings and conflicts that may arise due to miscommunication. Active listening is crucial in the workplace, as it enables you to understand your colleagues’ perspectives and work together effectively as a team.

How to Practice Active Listening?

Practicing active listening is not difficult, but it requires patience and practice. Some tips to help you develop your active listening skills include:

  • Focus on the speaker and eliminate distractions
  • Avoid interrupting and allow the speaker to finish speaking
  • Pay attention to nonverbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice
  • Ask questions to clarify any doubts you may have
  • Summarize what the speaker has said to ensure that you have understood the message

In conclusion, active listening is an essential skill that can help you in all aspects of your life. By practicing active listening, you can improve your communication skills, build strong relationships, and avoid misunderstandings. So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation, remember to practice active listening and see the difference it makes!

Communicate Calmly

Hey there! Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like losing your cool? Maybe you were in an argument with someone, or you received bad news, or maybe things just didn’t go your way. Well, in those moments, it’s important to take a deep breath and communicate calmly.

Why Communicate Calmly?

When you communicate calmly, you’re more likely to be heard and understood. Yelling or getting upset can cause the other person to shut down or become defensive, which can make the situation worse. Additionally, when you communicate calmly, you’re more likely to make rational decisions and find solutions to the problem at hand.

How to Communicate Calmly?

Communicating calmly doesn’t mean you can’t express your feelings or opinions. It simply means doing so in a way that’s respectful and non-confrontational. Here are some tips on how to communicate calmly:

– Take a deep breath and count to ten before responding

– Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements

– Listen actively and try to understand the other person’s perspective

– Avoid interrupting or talking over the other person

– Stay focused on the issue at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances

The Benefits of Communicating Calmly

When you communicate calmly, you not only improve your relationships with others, but you also improve your own mental health. You’ll feel more in control of your emotions and less likely to experience stress or anxiety. Plus, you’ll set a positive example for others and encourage them to communicate calmly as well.

Remember, communicating calmly is a skill that takes practice. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. By communicating calmly, you’ll improve your relationships, reduce conflict, and feel better about yourself. So, take a deep breath, stay calm, and communicate effectively!

Set Healthy Boundaries

What does it mean to set healthy boundaries?

Setting healthy boundaries means establishing limits and rules for yourself in order to protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It also means communicating those boundaries clearly to others, and enforcing them when necessary.

Why is it important to set healthy boundaries?

When we don’t set healthy boundaries, we may find ourselves overworked, overwhelmed, or taken advantage of by others. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and stress. By setting healthy boundaries, we can prioritize our own needs and maintain healthier relationships with others.

How can you set healthy boundaries?

First, identify areas in your life where you may need to set boundaries. This could be in your personal relationships, at work, or with your family. Next, think about what boundaries would best serve your needs and communicate those boundaries clearly to others. Be firm in your boundaries, but also be willing to listen and compromise when necessary.

What are some examples of healthy boundaries?

Examples of healthy boundaries include saying “no” when you feel overwhelmed or overcommitted, setting limits on how much time you spend with certain people, and establishing guidelines for communication in your relationships. Other examples could include setting boundaries around your personal space, your work hours, or your financial situation.

Remember that setting healthy boundaries can take time and practice, but it’s an important step in taking care of your overall well-being.


To summarize, when dealing with challenging situations or difficult people, it’s important to remember to breathe and count to ten to avoid reacting impulsively. It’s also helpful to focus on the bigger picture and not take things personally. Practicing active listening can help us understand the other person’s perspective better, while communicating calmly can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. Lastly, setting healthy boundaries can protect our well-being and prevent us from being taken advantage of. By applying these strategies, we can handle difficult situations with patience and intelligence.

Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next time!